It’s so funny because it’s so true… Where are we going with our nonsense…


I just had to share this funny joke… because it is so true… we have come such a long way with our desire for equality, health, safety and freedom… but we just don’t know when to stop… enough is enough… where are we going with our nonsense… It’s time to wake up and realise that the joke is on us…

Nelson: “Order the signal, Hardy.”

Hardy: “Aye, aye sir.”

Nelson: “Hold on, this isn’t what I dictated to Flags. What’s the meaning of this?”

Hardy: “Sorry sir?”

Nelson (reading aloud): ” England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. ‘What gobbledygook is this for God’s sake?”

Hardy: “Admiralty policy, I’m afraid, sir. We’re an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil’s own job getting ‘ England ‘ past the censors, lest it be considered racist.”

Nelson: “Gadzooks, Hardy Hand me my pipe and tobacco.”

Hardy: “Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments.”

Nelson: “In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle.”

Hardy: “The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It’s part of the Government’s policy on binge drinking.”

Nelson: “Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we’d better get on with it, full speed ahead.”

Hardy: “I think you’ll find that there’s a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water. It’s an environment protection initiative.”

Nelson: “Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow’s nest, please.”

Hardy: “That won’t be possible, sir.”

Nelson: “What?”

Hardy: “Health and Safety have closed the crow’s nest, Sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don’t meet regulations. They won’t let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected.”

Nelson: “Then get me the ship’s carpenter without delay, Hardy.”

Hardy: “He’s busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral.”

Nelson: “Wheelchair access? I’ve never heard anything so absurd.”

Hardy: “Anti-discrimination requirements, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled…..”

Nelson: “Differently abled? I’ve only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn’t rise to the rank of Admiral by playing the disability card.”

Hardy: “Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.”

Nelson: “Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons.”

Hardy: “A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won’t let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don’t want anyone breathing in too much salt; haven’t you seen the adverts?”Nelson: “I’ve never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.”

Hardy: “The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.”

Nelson: “What? This is mutiny!”

Hardy: “It’s not that, sir. It’s just that they’re afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.”

Nelson: “Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?”

Hardy: “Actually, sir, we’re not.”

Nelson: “We’re not?”

Hardy: “No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn’t even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.”

Nelson: “But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.”

Hardy: “I wouldn’t let the ship’s diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You’ll be up on disciplinary report.”

Nelson: “You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King.”

Hardy: “Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it’s the rules. It could save your life.”

Nelson: “Don’t tell me – health and safety again! Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?”

Hardy: “”As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there’s a ban on corporal punishment.”

Nelson: “What about sodomy?”

Hardy: “I believe that is now legal, sir.”

Nelson: “In that case.. kiss me, Hardy.”

open_your_heart_09January’s Challenge runs into February too…
Have you been reading the selection of true awakening experiences from our friends here on wordpress… they are all so worth our time reading… they are all so inspiring, loving and unique… we all have our own perceptions, our own truths… that make our own life so special and important… and we learn to honour each person, as they walk their own journey, their heart vulnerable, blossoming, awakening, expanding consciousness… experiencing love… authenticity… joy and pain… knowing self…

There are a couple of spaces left for anyone who wishes to share your innermost self to help inspire others to live from the heart… please let me know…

1st     Barbara  –
2nd    Paddy    –
3rd     Emanuel-
6th     Julianne –
7th     Sarah     –
8th     Shree     –
9th     Dace      –
10th   Korinn    –
11th   Sindy     –
12th   Stefanie –
13th   Mick      –
14th   Joss      – Postphoned
15th   Megan   –
16th   Pat         –
17th   Marga    –
18th   Kimberley –
20th   Serena      – not available at the moment
21st   Heather     –
23rd    Sue          –
24th    M…          –
25th    Brian G    –
26th    Dotta       –
27th    CW          –
28th    Laurie       –
29th    Debra       –
30th    Linda        –
31st    Michael     –
1st      Leigh        –
2nd     Shaman   –
3rd     Joss         –
4th     Jenna       –
5th     Shelley     –
6th     Elisabeth  –
7th     Michael    –
8th     Lehua       –
9th     Aleya        –

Barbara Franken… Inspiring New Energy Consciosness…

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