In a moment of solitude I release my shame and guilt…

IMG_1905The sky is bright blue, waves gently lapping onto the seashore, the sea glistening crystalline under the rays of the sun and the birds chirp with joy as they sway in the palm trees… Tom and I are settling into our new home, observing and feeling into this new space and surrounding environment. We are excited to be able to relax in a most magical place and allow new inspiration and potential to give birth to a wonderful new adventure and new creations…

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The clouds flow by, some dark with moisture to dampen the atmosphere, scattering natural juice on the gardens and clearing the dust… The waves are becoming more visual with frothy white edges and splash up against the rocks, the wind begins to howl, rustling the palms… the birds long gone except for the seagulls flying high, waiting patiently for fresh fish that the sea brings in, together with a wonderful aroma and display of seaweed… a distinct smell of the sea.. Rich gifts from the depths of the ocean…

As I witness the presence of nature’s natural order, the simple and elegant ebb and flow of our natural beautiful world… the highs and lows, the light and darkness, the acceptance of life’s graceful movement… I connect to the freedom that lies beyond the mind and our physical reality and am inspired to create my third painting in my ‘Elemental’ collection and write my last chapter and conclusion of my first book… Me, My Magnificent Self.

IAM Peace...

These last few weeks of solitude, being without tv and internet to disturb, have allowed me to ponder the gifts of being human… the sensual awareness and natural love that is possible to feel here on Earth and has only come about because we have experienced so much darkness as well as the light…

The storm that had blown in seemed to want to uncover some dark aspects of my past experience, that were obviously ready to be recognised and released.  I felt an urge to understand what shame and guilt actually meant… my shame and guilt that I had long ago covered up… not the details of specific memories… but the true meaning… Articles caught my attention and I read with interest, making notes, as follows…

Both shame and guilt are rooted in what ‘we as a society’ think is moral… of what is right and wrong and the judgement that we give ourself or hear from another about our action or non action. We may have compared ourself to another, causing ourself to feel unworthly or not good enough, which leads to our feeling guilty, even ashamed of our very being and our way of doing things. We may also have take responsibility for events or another’s behavior that were beyond our control. Others may have blamed us for doing or being something that they thought was wrong and against ‘the standard’…

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Society never taught me that I was a magnificent part of the natural world of ease and grace and that it was quite natural to love all parts of myself, to be kind and care for all of myself… In fact I was taught that it was selfish to put myself before others. I was taught to listen and adhere to the advice and experience of others and find out where I could fit in.   I was taught that the mind was the ‘all intelligent power’ and if I studied hard enough from books and professors I could become my very best.  I was taught to be nice and polite and hide all my imperfections and bad thoughts… because they didn’t serve me.

After years of ‘self discovery’ I not only know how important it is to love myself, being kind and to care for myself, but to totally accept myself for better or worse… for my perfections and imperfections… no matter what.  How wonderful it would be if everyone honoured each other… allowing each other to freely experience life for self, without interference, without judgement… All I can do is be a conscious example…

My past experience of shame and guilt felt heavy, a long and hard road and enough was enough… The psoriasis and eczema that erupted from time to time on my skin was proof that a longing of forgiveness and release of the ‘old drama’ was way overdue.

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I knew that my roles of victimhood had served me well and were part of my experience of the light and dark that had helped me to come into my now awareness… but now it was time to be responsible and move on, to ascend to my enlightenment and role as NEW ENERGY MASTER, a souled being… a DivineHumanBeing.  Living simply and elegantly, with ease and grace in the natural world of beauty, sensual awareness and total conscious freedom.  Accepting my magnificence and sovereignty, trusting and valuing myself implicitly, just as IAM, for better or worse.

It was time to make peace with my past shame and guilt and release my need to be involved in drama, victimhood and thoughts of how everything should be… I embraced the dark feelings with the compassion that IAM now… and a funny thing happened… I saw the shame and guilt memories defragmenting before my eyes and knew they were no more. They had transformed to new potential that I could bring in and be able to create something wonderfully new with…

I feel a little lighter now and continue to live a powerless life, with no concerns about outcomes as I know that there is no cause or being ‘out there’ grander than IAM…  IAM the cause and reason for my being… because I EXIST…

Whenever I feel unsure or feel a doubt creeping in… I bring my consciousness into the picture, am aware of what IAM doing… and remember I EXIST… YES IAM that IAM… and if necessary I FAKE IT for a while…

Barbara Franken… Inspiring New Energy Consciousness…

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29 thoughts on “In a moment of solitude I release my shame and guilt…

  1. Barbara, I am so pleased you are releasing, and feeling Lighter .. So many of us Hang on to buried emotion.. It is now the time of Letting Go… to become all that you are… 🙂
    Love and Blessings Sue xox

  2. Barbara, another great piece and you touch on so much of what many of us who have lived for some time on this planet have most certainly been carrying around. I am hoping to let go and leave some of it on the Camino when I walk it (very soon) and to feel this lighter being . . . and as you closed with, ‘fake it’ when I am not just right there in step. That made me laugh out loud, thanks for some levity in all of this too, for often I also think we take ourselves too seriously! Brilliant piece and thank you my dear. I will be thinking of you as I walk, being closer to you in geographic terms while walking across your beloved Spain. Blessings always! ❤

  3. Brabara, what a wonderful piece. Your descriptions, the emotions, the joy I see are excellent. Anytime you move to the degree you have, there are steps, there are regrets, some second guessing, but these have all been moved beyond. Clearly you have embraced totally your new home, your surrounding, and new life. I could not be happier for you. Take care, Bill

  4. This is a magnificent post and you truly are magnificent.
    You have filled me with hope and renewed belief in myself with your kind comments on my blog.
    I never ever would have thought that you yourself had come from a place of feeling a ‘victim’ as you shine so much positive and warmth. It is great to have heard this side of your journey.
    Best of luck in the final stages of your book.
    I look forward to you finishing your book and reading it.

    • Hello Elizabeth, thank you so much for your kind words… yes this life has been mostly about getting out of the victim cycle and what the outside world thinks of me… that’s why me, my magnificent self means so much to me and I still get comments from people close as to ‘how selfish you are…’ but I don’t allow them to affect me anymore… as I know it is so important to be shinning me, its the only way to heal… take care, Barbara x

  5. Hi Barbara. Congrats on releasing those burdens and being courageous to share with us. I’ve been working similar issues with self forgiveness and compassion. You are a delightful person and being. Thanks for sharing with us. blessings. Brad

  6. A powerful message that we need to be reminded of again and again. Too bad it takes us reaching “a certain age” before it sinks in. Would that parents could instill this philosophy from childhood so we could set aside the wasted time and resources it takes to be burdened with negative and useless emotions, as well as the time and effort later on to rid ourselves of them and be at peace. A welcome post, Barbara. Thank you! 🙂

  7. This is so transcendent Barbara:

    “It was time to make peace with my past shame and guilt and release my need to be involved in drama, victimhood and thoughts of how everything should be… I embraced the dark feelings with the compassion that IAM now… and a funny thing happened… I saw the shame and guilt memories defragmenting before my eyes and knew they were no more. They had transformed to new potential that I could bring in and be able to create something wonderfully new with…”

    Indeed sister!
    Namaste~
    Sindy

    • Hi Sindy…. Thankyou for resonating with this post… It just goes to show what happens when we allow ourself to be still, at peace, love and ALLOW… take care, Barbara x

  8. Namaste
    This resonated so deeply with me…letting go of guilt and shame has been a huge part of my own awakening as well – it is incredible to let go of so much we carried…much of it unknowingly…healing can happen in an instant once you awaken to the possibility….

    Much Love and Solidarity …<3
    Amanda

  9. “..it was selfish to put myself before others..” – oh the truth of victimhood and a heavy burden of how you should live for others.
    That is a really nice post Barbara. Almost every single person can relate to what you are saying. Not everyone understands and is able to see but they can relate to the guilt that has been taught from generation to generation.

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