A big thank you to all my divine sisters and brothers here on wordpress, who never stop inspiring me to expand my consciousness through their presence. The other day whilst I was catching up on my reading I came across inspiring posts on forgiveness… which in turn inspired me to want to talk about my own experience with the word forgiveness.
Thankyou Leigh for including me in your 2 week Round of Forgiveness… to read Leigh’s and the other posts on forgiveness please visit http://bluegrassnotes.wordpress.com
From a young age I knew that some things that happened to me and others weren’t quite right and definitely didn’t feel good, but I moved on none the less… living my life the best I could. During my late 20’s and early 30’s I spent one day a week for 5 years in a class of ‘Self Discovery’ with a great dutch teacher. He helped me melt away my numbness that hung around me and discover a most passionate and sensual being that had always been within me.
I spent time looking energetically at my ancestral family, the good and bad points carried down and the actions of abuse and disease that still continue to prevail in my family. My family seemed to either copy another or do the opposite. Either way patterns grew stronger down the line. It seems everyone lived on autopilot which made abuse and disease of the body, mind and spirit seem quite natural. I realised that it wasn’t just happening in my family but in all families. We were all living the lives of our ancestors… great great grandma’s, great uncle’s, granddad’s, mother’s… This was a big ah ah moment for me and made me understand why I had grown up feeling numb like a robot. I had shut my whole self down to be able to experience human life. It wasn’t me, I had experienced my life based on the beliefs and conditioning of my ancestors.
I knew for sure that I didn’t want to carry on with these patterns. I wanted to be in soul charge of my body, mind and spirit, to be self sufficient and create my life and my destiny as I so desired… even down to a couple of design points that I will sculpt into perfection when the time allows.
All I had to do was choose to step out of the ancestral drama and allow myself to be the sovereign and free being IAM.. even by faking it at times…
I began to appreciate the unique and magnificent person I and everyone truly was. I understood that all the teachings and experiences in life from my parents (early on) and myself later had been chosen in order to experience the act of human love and had made me who IAM today. For better or worse, the wisdom of my roles and lives had all been distilled and are the essence of me today. The nitty gritty details of my past life are now unimportant and I have wiped them clean, allowing me to detach and move on living a most sensual and passionate life in freedom.
Throughout my life I’ve had a weariness about the church, religion and the word FORGIVENESS and it wasn’t until I had read a religious book on forgiveness and read the thesaurus synonyms and antonyms that I understood why it had made me so weary…
Synonyms of forgiveness … Absolution, Amnesty, Clemancy, Compassion, Charity, Grace, Mercy, Remission, Reprieve, Vindication, Acquittal, Immunity… the words go on and on… mostly words the church uses but two words spoke to me… COMPASSION AND GRACE…
Antonyms of forgiveness… Cruelty, blame, meanness, accusation, censure, charge, punishment, sentence
The church, religion and the word forgiveness kept humankind (and especially me) playing the game of you are bad and i am good. The human game of power and control that our ancestors began and we have continued to play in for far too long. This had given me the feelings of being locked in, limited and very tired.
Had I truly understood the human game and understood that I could step out of it when I was ready? Ready to forgive myself by being compassionate and graceful with myself.
In every given moment we can choose to awaken from the human game of duality and be aware that there is so much more to life and ourself… aware that the universe and humankind are multi-dimentional… aware that we are naturally magnificent, unique and self sufficient… aware that we have feelings, desires and finally… aware that there is no need to be better or worse than another and just allow ourself to be compassionate and graceful with ourself and everyone.
Recently Adamas, from the crimson circle shared with Shambra his observations on FORGIVENESS which truly resonated with me… I heard his words at the most perfect moment and it rounded off my own feelings about truly forgiving self wonderfully. In order to be truly free, it is important to forgive yourself, but not in the old way of saying you’re sorry, making yourself suffer or carrying the baggage of karma around and staying in the human game. Forgiveness is saying that wasn’t me, that was an old programmed and hypnotised me experiencing human expression. IAM the IAM presence. Me, my magnificent self, that is responsible, compassionate and honours myself and everyone else.
Adamus spoke of the four S’s… to help forgive/have compassion for our true self…
To forgive myself for my separation… I believed I was lost and alone, but I know now I only chose another path for a while and have now found my whole self.
To forgive myself for my sin… destiny… karma… I believed I was a sinner and I believed in destiny and karma, but I know now it is not true. I know now that bad things feel bad and therefore I don’t do bad things anymore.
To forgive myself for my selfishness… I believed others when they told me it was bad to be selfish and to only focus on myself. But I now take bad out of selfish and allow it to be joyous… I know now that it is good to be self focused, loving, abundant and self sufficient. I allow myself to be a new standard to be truly myself, radiating my IAM presence, allowing my light to shine without the overlays of the good and the bad. To be self-full, self aware and release all the old and bad energy.
To forgive myself for being stupid… I married the wrong man, said the wrong thing, shouldn’t of done that… stupid stupid stupid… but that was just how I chose to experience myself, it was all part of my human expression not my IAM presence. It’s not about being smart, earning merits from others or perfecting the human being. I know the human could never figure it all out and all the teachings, especially spiritual teachings about becoming better, wiser… are all nonsense. As the IAM presence I can appoint myself as enlightened master and release all my stupidity. And so it is.
Barbara Franken… Inspiring New Energy Consciousness…
I’ve just been reading my friends posts and really want to share with you all a new book my friend Michael has just published that I know is a wonderful and inspirational read… Barbara x