Truly Forgiving Self…


A big thank you to all my divine sisters and brothers here on wordpress, who never stop inspiring me to expand my consciousness through their presence.  The other day whilst I was catching up on my reading I came across inspiring posts on forgiveness… which in turn inspired me to want to talk about my own experience with the word forgiveness.

Thankyou Leigh for including me in your 2 week Round of Forgiveness… to read Leigh’s and the other posts on forgiveness please visit

From a young age I knew that some things that happened to me and others weren’t quite right and definitely didn’t feel good, but I moved on none the less… living my life the best I could.  During my late 20’s and early 30’s I spent one day a week for 5 years in a class of ‘Self Discovery’ with a great dutch teacher.  He helped me melt away my numbness that hung around me and discover a most passionate and sensual being that had always been within me.

I spent time looking energetically at my ancestral family, the good and bad points carried down and the actions of abuse and disease that still continue to prevail in my family.  My family seemed to either copy another or do the opposite. Either way patterns grew stronger down the line.  It seems everyone lived on autopilot which made abuse and disease of the body, mind and spirit seem quite natural. I realised that it wasn’t just happening in my family but in all families.  We were all living the lives of our ancestors… great great grandma’s, great uncle’s, granddad’s, mother’s… This was a big ah ah moment for me and made me understand why I had grown up feeling numb like a robot.  I had shut my whole self down to be able to experience human life.  It wasn’t me, I had experienced my life based on the beliefs and conditioning of my ancestors.

I knew for sure that I didn’t want to carry on with these patterns.  I wanted to be in soul charge of my body, mind and spirit, to be self sufficient and create my life and my destiny as I so desired… even down to a couple of design points that I will sculpt into perfection when the time allows.

All I had to do was choose to step out of the ancestral drama and allow myself to be the sovereign and free being IAM.. even by faking it at times…

I began to appreciate the unique and magnificent person I and everyone truly was. I understood that all the teachings and experiences in life from my parents (early on) and myself later had been chosen in order to experience the act of human love and had made me who IAM today.  For better or worse, the wisdom of my roles and lives had all been distilled and are the essence of me today.  The nitty gritty details of my past life are now unimportant and I have wiped them clean, allowing me to detach and move on living a most sensual and passionate life in freedom.

Throughout my life I’ve had a weariness about the church, religion and the word FORGIVENESS and it wasn’t until I had read a religious book on forgiveness and read the thesaurus synonyms and antonyms that I understood why it had made me so weary…

Synonyms of forgiveness
… Absolution, Amnesty, Clemancy, Compassion, Charity, Grace, Mercy, Remission, Reprieve, Vindication, Acquittal, Immunity… the words go on and on… mostly words the church uses but two words spoke to me… COMPASSION AND GRACE…

Antonyms of forgiveness… 
Cruelty, blame, meanness, accusation, censure, charge, punishment, sentence

The church, religion and the word forgiveness kept humankind (and especially me) playing the game of you are bad and i am good.  The human game of power and control that our ancestors began and we have continued to play in for far too long.  This had given me the feelings of being locked in, limited and very tired.

Had I truly understood the human game and understood that I could step out of it when I was ready?  Ready to forgive myself by being compassionate and graceful with myself.


In every given moment we can choose to awaken from the human game of duality and be aware that there is so much more to life and ourself… aware that the universe and humankind are multi-dimentional… aware that we are naturally magnificent, unique and self sufficient… aware that we have feelings, desires and finally… aware that there is no need to be better or worse than another and just allow ourself to be compassionate and graceful with ourself and everyone.

Recently Adamas, from the crimson circle shared with Shambra his observations on FORGIVENESS which truly resonated with me… I heard his words at the most perfect moment and it rounded off my own feelings about truly forgiving self wonderfully.   In order to be truly free, it is important to forgive yourself, but not in the old way of saying you’re sorry, making yourself suffer or carrying the baggage of karma around and staying in the human game.  Forgiveness is saying that wasn’t me, that was an old programmed and hypnotised me experiencing human expression.  IAM the IAM presence. Me, my magnificent self, that is responsible, compassionate and honours myself and everyone else.

Adamus spoke of the four S’s… to help forgive/have compassion for our true self…

To forgive myself for my separation… I believed I was lost and alone, but I know now I only chose another path for a while and have now found my whole self.

To forgive myself for my sin… destiny… karma… I believed I was a sinner and I believed in destiny and karma, but I know now it is not true. I know now that bad things feel bad and therefore I don’t do bad things anymore.

To forgive myself for my selfishness… I believed others when they told me it was bad to be selfish and to only focus on myself. But I now take bad out of selfish and allow it to be joyous… I know now that it is good to be self focused, loving, abundant and self sufficient. I allow myself to be a new standard to be truly myself, radiating my IAM presence, allowing my light to shine without the overlays of the good and the bad. To be self-full, self aware and release all the old and bad energy.

To forgive myself for being stupid… I married the wrong man, said the wrong thing, shouldn’t of done that… stupid stupid stupid… but that was just how I chose to experience myself, it was all part of my human expression not my IAM presence. It’s not about being smart, earning merits from others or perfecting the human being. I know the human could never figure it all out and all the teachings, especially spiritual teachings about becoming better, wiser… are all nonsense.  As the IAM presence I can appoint myself as enlightened master and release all my stupidity. And so it is.

Barbara Franken… Inspiring New Energy Consciousness…

Ormus... New Elemental Being showing the potential of a DivineHumanBeing...

New Elemental Being showing the potential of a DivineHumanBeing…

I’ve just been reading my friends posts and really want to share with you all a new book my friend Michael has just published that I know is a wonderful and inspirational read… Barbara x




IAM Free and Enlightened…


I’ve been having a time of my life in a hot and humid Ft Lauderdale, spending lots of time with Alexander my adorable grandson.  We have been very creative together, creating a giant heart space for Alexander to hang pictures of his loved ones… mum, dad, sister, aunty, uncle, grandma’s and grandad… and his dreams and wishes… He loves to be a police officer and work with firemen.  He created a picture of his new home and boat he wants in his life.  Alexander loves to play with trucks, building bricks and trains… so grandma helped him create a magnificent railway track, a space for him to play with his trains, tracks and bridges.  Last but not least we have found a wooden treasure chest to store his favourite things… this we will be painting in the next few days before we return home to Spain.


During this visit grandma arranged for a nanny and cleaner to come and help in the home  when everyone else is at work.  When the time was just perfect Beth (nanny) and Alisa (cleaner) came into our life.  (I’ve been trying to find help for sometime, but obviously it was too soon and someone wasn’t convinced it was necessary)  Alexander’s new home will also appear for the perfect price at the most perfect time.  We all have the patience and trust in the timing and the most perfect new home to be available for us all.


I have so enjoyed observing Alexander living in the present moment, truly indulging and enjoying himself.  There is no yesterday and tomorrow is unimportant.  NOW is the time to create and play, learn the ABC & 123, have swimming lessons and LATER (an extension of the present moment is a great time for ice-cream).  We have enjoyed visiting the park, young art museum, toys r us and the beach… to collect trash… it is after all what police officer’s must do when they need to collect fingerprints.

Sometimes when grandma tried to control Alexander, he reacted quite boldly… reminding me to interact with him and everyone around in a more compassionate and independant way.  I took the hint and have been looking at my need to control? Why do I do this?  Why can I not just trust that everyone else knows what’s right for them and just continue enjoying my life?

Control is an old way that I and most of humankind gain power, through pushing and forcing things to happen according to our own perception… which is actually very limited and an unloving way of behaving, as we take creation or a new way of doing/being away from another.  Being in control makes us feel great and important in the presence of others, but belittles another.  Humankind has programmed the mind to survive, no matter what, which has in turn shut down the spontaneous and new ways to experience life… until we become aware of this habitual behaviour and choose to create our life from a balanced heart and mind with consideration for ourself, another and most of all for CHANGE and CREATION.

If it’s one thing I have learned during my life is that I really like to FEEL independent and create my life how I desire it to be… to feel free in everything IAM.  This cannot be achieved when a person continuously trys to mould another into a shape that fits only our own need to nurture our magnificent self.

What is good for me must be good for everyone else and it was my responsibility to nurture Alexander’s sense of his magnificent and creative self.  So when I slipped back into ‘control mode’…  I took some deep conscious breaths, embraced my old need to control others and situations… it had served me well…  but now I was AWAKE and knew there was a better way for myself and others to live in balance and harmony with each other.  I allowed my need to control to transmute into compassion and freedom for myself.  Afterall I was an example of living in FREEDOM, full of light (enlightenment) and enjoying each moment.

The more I allowed myself to live in a space of peace and freedom, IAM connected with the part of me that has always been there, enjoying the human experience and waiting patiently for Barbara’s attention.  For me to be fully aware of the integration that is naturally happening to humankind now.  The integration of my soul (my divine essence or light body & mind) and physical being.  My divine light body & mind absorbing my physical body & mind and birthing my divinehumanself.

My Soul is in ‘soul charge’ of the integration, all my human self has to do is be aware and allow it all to happen… Allow myself to be completely free of the limited mind and old and unloving ways of being and be the creator and enlightened divine being I truly am. 

What is Enlightenment?
The human mind will never understand enlightenment because it is limited, never satisfied and always wants more.  Enlightenment for me is to FEEL and CONNECT with my deep desire for freedom, the pure awareness of my sovereignty and allow myself to express my true voice, my magnificent self here in this reality.  It’s never been done before…  IAM a new standard… Yes IAM allowing myself to be FREE and ENLIGHTENED.  Are you?

We can be aware of and allow our enlightenment… when we awaken from the 3D dense and limited reality we live in now and realise that there is more to ourself than meets the eye… To read some amazing true awakening experiences you can download the free e-book I made together with my wordpress friends… Enjoy… 

heavenliftsanawakeningheartA selection of true awakening experiences…

Barbara Franken… Inspiring and living in the New Energy Consciousness…